"It's only hair, it will grow back!"

Wig antics

Once I had heard that I would be having chemotherapy and that I would inevitably lose my hair as a result I decided that I would get myself a wig. Now I know a lot of ladies and even gents who do not want to wear a wig for various reasons and many find it liberating not having hair, however, that simply wasn’t the case with me. The thought of going out in public and even my nearest and dearest seeing me without my hair just wasn’t what I wanted and the reason why? I feel ashamed and embarrassed. That may sound ridiculous but I was embarrassed at the thought of losing my hair and people staring and looking at my bald head rather than looking me in the eyes. And the reason for feeling ashamed, well I guess for me it was I felt some kind of shame for getting breast cancer in the first place. Now I know that may sound very odd to some people but for me, I think cancer is still seen in the eyes of many as a disease or an illness that others don’t discuss and they don’t like to see it in front of them, like a person with cancer somehow must be kept out of sight. I know its an old way of thinking but I have actually come across people who think like that!

I think for a woman to lose her hair and again, this is my opinion, it is like taking away your femininity. That may sound quite shallow and we shouldn’t be defined by our looks but we live in a very image conscious society where people can be stared at just for looking different to the “norm” – whatever the “norm” may be. To me losing my hair was like I was losing my identity of who I was, I didn’t want to lose my hair, I didn’t want to feel and see it coming out in clumps or to wake up one morning and see my hair splayed out on my pillow no longer attached to my head. I would’ve completely freaked out had I have woken up and been faced with that, it was just too distressing. So I made the decision to gradually have my hair cut to shorter and shorter lengths over the course of December 2017 so that it wasn’t as much of a shock. For my shortest hair cut, one of my oldest and dearest friends, Michala cut my hair for me into a terrific style (she is a hairdresser – she didn’t just randomly chop away at it with a pair of scissors!) for which I received so many compliments and had it been under different circumstances, I would’ve really liked it. 

However, the reality was that the hairstyle wouldn’t last very long before my scalp started hurting and my hair would start to fall out.

Now one of the comments I heard so frequently when people learnt of me having to have chemotherapy was “it’s only hair, it will grow back!”. Now, people may have meant well and may have thought that a little quip like that might lighten the situation but in reality, that simple comment is just completely inconsiderate, thoughtless and tactless! I lost count of the amount of times it was said to me. In the end my response became “well, if it’s only hair, then here is a set of hair clippers set to 1cm – off you go, cut your hair off, after all, it’s only hair – it will grow back!” Strangely enough no-one took me up on that offer and actually looked shocked I had suggested such a thing. Touché!

So I decided to get myself a wig. I wanted a wig that looked something like my own hair rather than a completely different or funky style. I didn’t want to stand out, breast cancer already made me feel isolated, I wanted to be able to blend in so that when I was out and about, it didn’t look like I was undergoing any treatment or that I was battling a disease that was inevitably trying to kill me. So, I made an appointment with a private wig shop in Leeds City Centre called Hair Plus on 5 December before I was due to start chemo a couple of days later. I’d had advice from my Breast Care Nurse and read comments online that it can be better to choose a wig whilst you’ve still got your own hair so that you don’t feel pressured into buying a wig with a style you don’t feel comfortable with or particularly like because you need one there and then.

Hair Plus allows wig fitting by appointment only which I liked as they didn’t allow more than a set number of people in the shop at any one time and also had private individual booths to try on the wigs for privacy should you need it. I respected that and liked that they had considered people’s feelings on dealing with hair loss. As for me, I wasn’t too concerned with a private booth as I still for the time being had my own hair. What I found more difficult was having to publicly announce even to the staff member was that I was about to undergo chemotherapy and was to lose my hair. I still hadn’t come to terms with it in my own mind, let alone speaking the words out loud. I felt embarrassed but, the lady who I met on arrival at the shop and who helped me in trying on wigs was lovely, she didn’t even bat an eyelid when I said I was having chemotherapy and that settled my nerves.

I didn’t want to choose a wig without having someone with me to get their honest opinion and who knew me well enough to know what style would and wouldn’t suit me so my mother in law came along with me. It actually ended up being an enjoyable process in the end trying on a couple of wigs, some of which I would never of had in a million years! In the end I settled on 2 wigs – one which was a light brown bob with highlights and the other was dark brown, longer to shoulder length and wavy so it resembled my own hair before it had been cut shorter. I’d decided on two so it gave me the flexibility and freedom to swap between the two, depending on what mood I was in.

Now one thing that I’d not considered was that many wigs have an inbuilt “memory” in that when you wash them, you don’t have to dry them off or brush them whilst wet but leave them to dry naturally on a wig stand and the wig then goes back to it’s original shape. I also learnt that you can’t use normal hair shampoo and have to buy shampoo for synthetic hair. For the particular wigs that I purchased, the water was to be cool, with a capful of the shampoo dropped into the water and then the wig was immersed for less than 30 seconds in the water before being rinsed off. That was it – job done! I was supposed to place the wig on a wig stand (which I had) to dry it off but I found it funnier to hang it on the end of the shower controls! I amused myself several times over the course of my wig wearing days, washing my wig and posting photos on social media to say I’d had a night in because I was washing “my hair.”

I won’t lie, trying on a wig when you’ve still got your own hair can be itchy and very warm and I did wonder whether this would become annoying. However, once I lost my hair I found the wig didn’t really itch, however my head would on occasions get very warm. 
If you are considering getting a wig then if I can offer one piece of advice, it is to get a little wig cap to put on your head first with the wig on top of it. I purchased a couple of bamboo material ones from Anna Bandana (you’ll find them via google) and found them far more comfortable that the ones made out of nylon tights type material.