What got me through the chemotherapy?

A few things that got me through chemotherapy.....

The Countdown Board
When I knew that I was going to need chemotherapy as part of my breast cancer treatment I knew that I would need to have some way of visualizing the finishing line of that final 6th cycle of chemotherapy.  I needed to be able to see those days counting down to help me through, to help me understand that hopefully chemotherapy was just for a minimal period of hopefully a cancer free life for as long as I possibly could.

I can't remember where I got the idea from, whether it was something I had read on the internet, or someone had suggested it to me but I decided to have a countdown board to count down the days to the end of my chemotherapy regime.  For me this was a visual tool - I would be able to physically see with my own eyes that the days were ticking down, that the end of chemotherapy was in sight and that I would not give up, that I would carry on along the treatment path and complete the chemotherapy cycles no matter how much my body screamed at me to stop poisoning it - “Please stop, please. This is enough, it has to end, I can't take the shitty side effects of healthy fast growing cells being destroyed.” No matter how much the dialogue in my mind was swinging between, “I can do this, it's only 6 cycles, you'll get through it.”  to  “That’s it. No more. Do you really need to have the chemotherapy, are the medical team justified enough in thinking this is the right treatment path.”

So I went out a purchased a small wipe board, just like the ones that you see in many offices up and down the country.  The advantage of a wipe board was that I could just wipe off the number each day and replace it with one that was getting me closer to the finishing line.  The ideal place for this wipe board was in the kitchen, it was a room that I would be in several times a day and it was also the place where anyone who comes into our house is the first port of call.  The visual aid wasn't only for me but it was also for Gary, for his family, for my family, for my friends...for anyone.  Everyone could see my chemotherapy countdown.

The wipe board went through a few different layouts in the early chemotherapy cycles but that was because I was fine tuning what it was that I found helped me, what visually I needed to see to help me continue to see that last chemotherapy infusion.  Below is the layout that I used from around day 60 to the end of my chemotherapy -

Every morning I tasked myself to update the board, no matter how hard it felt to think of what I was going to do on that day, on what I was going to do the following day.
The wipe board became a bit of an emotional outlet for me too with the “Today I feel" section.  It was my opportunity to be honest not only with myself but also to Gary and others of how I was feeling.  As anyone who knows me well will know, I'm not very good at verbalising how I feel, I'm better at writing it down. 


The Jo's Journey Board
I also had a separate cork board on the kitchen wall where I could put my highs and lows throughout my who cancer treatment.  I had different colour papers with different coloured shapes that I would write things that I was looking forward to at the end of treatment such as our trip to New York along with the things that had happened like hair loss and being hospitalised.  It was again a way of me expressing myself and acted as visual signpost for what I had overcome, what I had achieved on those days when it felt like I had done neither.

Bacon and Hash Brown Sandwiches
That may sound like a strange combination but for the first 3 or 4 days after each chemotherapy infusion, no matter how nauseous I felt....I simply craved bacon and hash brown sandwiches!  To this day I have no idea why, it was simply that my body was craving those two ingredients together in a sandwich.  I think it may have been the saltiness of the bacon because during my chemotherapy I absolutely craved salt with a passion!  It's not usually something that I have much of in my diet, but my body was clearly telling me that the salts in it were depleted.  
I also have always craved potatoes of any kind when I am ill from being such a young child so I guess that was the reason for the hash browns.
Do I still eat bacon and hash brown sandwiches now?  Yes I do, however, nowhere near the same frequency that I did during chemotherapy.


Jigsaws
Now that may sound like an old fashioned hobby but I genuinely find that jigsaws chill me out, whilst my brain is occupied in trying to figure out which piece goes where, it hasn't got time to make me notice its incessant ramblings and anxieties.  I got through a fair few jigsaws during my chemotherapy cycles.  Some days I spent just 30 minutes on the jigsaws because my brain struggled to comprehend the colours, the patterns and the spatial awareness of what shape piece would fit where, on other days I would spend hours at a time.


Social Media
A lot of people shy away from social media at a time of illness or other life event but for me it was a lifeline, it was a way of connecting with the outside world, it was of conversing with other people who understood exactly how I felt, what I was going through, what I was experiencing and they knew because they had experienced the feel real earth shattering effect of a cancer diagnosis and its associated treatments.  
I count myself lucky in having met some wonderful people that had it not been for my breast cancer diagnosis then I probably would never have connected with them, wouldn't have shared experience or knowledge and wouldn't have felt some comfort from.
Of course there are bad sides to social media but for me, for the most part it has been a lifeline in my cancer experience.  I have learnt a lot from others not only with a breast cancer diagnosis but other cancer types.  I have followed many other peoples cancer rides with the ups, the downs, the highs and the lows from across the globe.  I have been very fortunate to have actually met a few in real life and that has been a blessing and I see them as my friends and for others they are spread around the world but I still have a strong connection with them.  The "Cancer Community" is not a community that anyone wants to join but for me, I was welcomed with open arms and I am proud of the support that people who have experienced cancer give to others.  Thank you.


My dogs - Jake and Milly
Anyone that knows me in real life or on social media know how much my dogs are my world, they are like kids but with fur on.  My world revolves around them.  During chemotherapy my dogs, Jake and Milly were my rock.
The dogs comforted me on the days when I would sit getting frustrated at my weakened and run down body, where I would cry because I wanted the hair loss and the other side effects to stop, where I would struggle just to walk up one flight of stairs due to the complete lack of energy on days 5-8 of each chemotherapy cycle.
The dogs listened to me without judgement when I told them how I was feeling or what plans I had for the day. 
The dogs gave me the motivation to have at least 10 minutes of exercise and fresh air each and every day when I took them for their morning walkies on my own.  It might sometimes of been nearly lunchtime but still, I took them for walkies and they were always grateful.
Jake would jump up onto my knee for cuddles on those days when he knew I was feeling ill or low.  I don't know how, call it intuition but he always knew.  He always knew when something wasn't quite right with me. 
My dogs definitely got me through my treatment, I would've been lost without them.

Friends and Family

Gary, my close family and a handful of friends got me through.  They gave me the cuddles when I needed them, gave me the kick up the arse when I said I couldn't do the chemotherapy anymore, brought me food when my taste was completely shot from the mass of mouth and throat ulcers, brought me small little thoughtful gifts to spur me on and let me know that they were thinking of me, that took me out for the day on the days when I struggled to drive because the chemotherapy made my concentration and head really foggy and I got a break from the seeing the inside four walls of our house, to those who came and simply just watched movies and didn't expect conversation because they knew that in that moment that is exactly what I needed.
I will be forever grateful to those handful of people - I don't need to name them, they individually all know how much they got me through my chemotherapy and they will always have a special place in my heart.