Making the phone calls
Some difficult phone calls
I knew once we left the hospital after my breast cancer diagnosis that I had some difficult phone calls to make - my auntie (my mum's sister), my brother and my mother-in-law. I hadn't rehearsed any of what I was going to say and there definitely wasn't any easy way of delivering the life shattering news that I'd been diagnosed with breast cancer. I knew that in reality it would have been better to speak to each relative face to face but logistically that wasn't really possible and I knew rather selfishly for me that it was easier to speak over the phone than burst in tears and be an emotional wreck. You see, that's one of the things you'll come to find out about me - I find it very difficult to express emotion especially any emotional pain, hurt, sadness and grief...instead I turn it inwards and bottle it up. I know it's not the right thing to do and I am undergoing therapy to try and deal with it.
First person that I rang was my auntie and I thought it was best to just get to the point and say "I've got the results, it's definitely breast cancer." Understandably there was an initial pause from her but I explained what the Consultant had said and that I was due to have surgery within 12 days. She was very positive and told me that she and my uncle were behind me 100% and whatever I needed, to let them know. It was an easier phone call than I initially imagined.
Next was my brother and I knew I had to compose myself to tell him, I felt guilty, whether misguided or otherwise that I was bringing cancer into our lives again. Our mum had died of brain and lung metasises 21 years ago. My brother on my announcement took a deep breath, I could hear it on the end of the phone but he then went on to reiterate what my auntie had said, that whatever I needed to let him know and he would come to any appointments that I needed. I remember ending the phone call with a lump in my throat, holding back the emotion as I said "Cancer took my mum, but I'm going to do my best to ensure that it doesn't take me."
Gary's mum was next and this was a hard one as both she and my father-in-law were on holiday and not due home for another couple of days. They had gone on holiday the day before my screening and had spent the time in between my screening and my diagnosis day debating whether to fly back home to give us some support as they were having a difficult time enjoying themselves whilst we were on this instant emotional rollercoaster. I asked Gary if he wanted to tell his mum the news and he said it would be better coming from me. Gary's mum answered the phone with a nervous hello and I said to her "Are you sitting down?" and then proceeded to tell her the news. She was understandably shocked and said she definitely needed a stiff drink to take the news in.
Again, it wasn't an easy phone call to make and when I uttered the words "I've got the results, it's definitely breast cancer" he let out a big sigh at the other end of the phone. He said that he really had thought that it would be a benign condition. I told him that for the time being that I didn't want the whole company knowing that I had breast cancer and that I only wanted himself, HR and the Directors to know and he respected my decision. It's difficult enough trying to get your own head around a cancer diagnosis without everyone at work knowing about it too.
Gary made the decision to visit them both and wanted to do it with both of them together for some emotional support but their working shift patterns didn't allow it.
Dan was the first to be told and he took the news in, Gary later told me, in relative silence but that isn't unusual for Dan - that's how he processes things when he is given some bad news.
Becky was next to be told who got upset and cried which again is how we both expected her to react.
A few days later Gary said it was one of the hardest things that he had had to speak to them both about but I also think it was good for him as it allowed him to express some of his own emotion away from me.
First person that I rang was my auntie and I thought it was best to just get to the point and say "I've got the results, it's definitely breast cancer." Understandably there was an initial pause from her but I explained what the Consultant had said and that I was due to have surgery within 12 days. She was very positive and told me that she and my uncle were behind me 100% and whatever I needed, to let them know. It was an easier phone call than I initially imagined.
Next was my brother and I knew I had to compose myself to tell him, I felt guilty, whether misguided or otherwise that I was bringing cancer into our lives again. Our mum had died of brain and lung metasises 21 years ago. My brother on my announcement took a deep breath, I could hear it on the end of the phone but he then went on to reiterate what my auntie had said, that whatever I needed to let him know and he would come to any appointments that I needed. I remember ending the phone call with a lump in my throat, holding back the emotion as I said "Cancer took my mum, but I'm going to do my best to ensure that it doesn't take me."
Gary's mum was next and this was a hard one as both she and my father-in-law were on holiday and not due home for another couple of days. They had gone on holiday the day before my screening and had spent the time in between my screening and my diagnosis day debating whether to fly back home to give us some support as they were having a difficult time enjoying themselves whilst we were on this instant emotional rollercoaster. I asked Gary if he wanted to tell his mum the news and he said it would be better coming from me. Gary's mum answered the phone with a nervous hello and I said to her "Are you sitting down?" and then proceeded to tell her the news. She was understandably shocked and said she definitely needed a stiff drink to take the news in.
Phoning the boss
The last phone call I made on my diagnosis day was to my boss. Although he is my boss, he and his partner have become friends over the years so when I had initially told him that there was a possibility of the breast lump being cancerous he was shocked. Breast cancer had touched his own family, having affected one of his sisters many years ago. I'd already had a couple of whats app messages from his partner, who is also the Office Manager and the girl who is the admin assistant for our department.Again, it wasn't an easy phone call to make and when I uttered the words "I've got the results, it's definitely breast cancer" he let out a big sigh at the other end of the phone. He said that he really had thought that it would be a benign condition. I told him that for the time being that I didn't want the whole company knowing that I had breast cancer and that I only wanted himself, HR and the Directors to know and he respected my decision. It's difficult enough trying to get your own head around a cancer diagnosis without everyone at work knowing about it too.
Letting the step kids know
I said to Gary that I thought it would be best if he let his kids Dan and Becky know about my diagnosis because, as their dad, I felt it was best coming from him and it was also an opportunity for him to speak to them openly about how he had taken the news if he wanted without me being in ear shot. Dan is 25 and Becky is 23 which I think made it a little easier than if they had been young children or teenagers as the delivery of the news would've been done differently. Gary had had sole custody of both kids since they were young children and I had been in their lives and they had lived with us since 2003.Gary made the decision to visit them both and wanted to do it with both of them together for some emotional support but their working shift patterns didn't allow it.
Dan was the first to be told and he took the news in, Gary later told me, in relative silence but that isn't unusual for Dan - that's how he processes things when he is given some bad news.
Becky was next to be told who got upset and cried which again is how we both expected her to react.
A few days later Gary said it was one of the hardest things that he had had to speak to them both about but I also think it was good for him as it allowed him to express some of his own emotion away from me.
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