More diagnostic tests
Leave my body alone
Having the initial ultrasound, mammogram and biopsies taken weren't the only tests that I would be subjected to, at my diagnosis appointment, I was told that I would require further tests to decide whether I would be having a lumpectomy or a mastectomy. The word "mastectomy" filled me with fear. It was bad enough being diagnosed with breast cancer but to think that I would lose one of my breasts as well was just too much to even think about, I just couldn't think about that just yet - that made the diagnosis even more real. If that bridge crossed my path then I would tackle that obstacle then.
The Consultant advised I would require an MRI of both breasts to ascertain if the cancerous lump diagnosed by biopsy was the only cancerous area of my breast. If the MRI showed just the one area of cancerous tissue then I would have a lumpectomy, if it showed other suspicious areas then I may be looking at a mastectomy. The MRI was scheduled for a week later in the end.
So the MRI was scheduled for a Saturday afternoon and I was told to expect it to last up to an hour. The MRI scan wasn't the most comfortable I've ever been as you have to lay on your front in a "superwoman" position with your breasts suspended in metal brackets. Cod liver oil capsules are are taped to your nipples and another put on the tumour site area on the skin surface. These were used to identify on the scan the nipple and tumour areas - I even was allowed to keep them!
The MRI scan was the usual noisy affair and the two female radiologists forgot to put the radio on until near the end so there was no real distraction. About 10 minutes from the end, a dye was injected into a cannula on the back of my hand, it didn't hurt (the dye that is) and I could feel the cold liquid travel up my arm and then I could taste it for a few seconds. When the MRI was done I was helped off the table and basically told to go and get dressed despite telling the radiologists that I had no feeling in my left shoulder as a result of the angle I was laid in. Trying to get dressed in the changing room afterwards was a nightmare as I couldn't raise my arm above shoulder level to put my top. I had to use my other arm to lift it up. I was panicking as the numbness wasn't going. In the end it took over 4 hours for the feeling to return and my shoulder felt weak for nearly 5 days afterwards. I guess I should've complained at the time but to be honest, I just wanted out of the hospital.
Two days prior to this, I had a meeting with Leeds Fertility at Seacroft Hospital. The Consultant who diagnosed me with breast cancer had told me that if I was to have chemotherapy (which would be clarified once the tumour was removed) then there was a strong possibility that the chemotherapy would leave me infertile as chemotherapy can damage a woman's egg reserves.
Gary couldn't get the time off work so my mother in law, Val came along with me to the appointment. From what I thought would just be a conversation about fertility preservation turned into more scans and the hospital telling me I would have to start IVF type drugs the day after my operation! I was given an internal scan and told my ovarian reserve was good for my age.
As I sat in the consulting room with a young doctor who was telling me that I would have to start the IVF drugs to stimulate my ovaries the day after my surgery as that was the date that my next period was due, I remember screaming inside my head "run! get out of here, this is too much to take - I'm going to go mad" I just couldn't believe that I was having to make such a big decision about my fertility.
Without going into too much detail, Gary and I were looking at IVF treatment in February 2018 and because Gary already had children of his own, we weren't eligible for free IVF treatment on the NHS. When Leeds Fertility found out that we weren't eligible, it felt like my appointment with them became more about getting money out of us rather than about the egg preservation. I was feeling pressured into making a decision I wasn't comfortable with and hadn't even discussed properly with Gary.
I was so appalled by the consultation that I spoke to my BCN and Surgeon who said there was no way that I would be starting fertility drugs the day after my surgery. Thankfully my BCN got in touch with Leeds Fertility and cancelled any further appointments and communication with them. I just didn't have the head space to deal with it. It felt like in those 7 days from diagnosis that I was just being passed around between hospitals and felt like a piece of meat, like everyone wanted a piece of me and I just wanted the world to sod off and leave me alone! I wanted my life back pre diagnosis, one where I had innocent, plans and a future not what now seemed like a scary barren place.
The Consultant advised I would require an MRI of both breasts to ascertain if the cancerous lump diagnosed by biopsy was the only cancerous area of my breast. If the MRI showed just the one area of cancerous tissue then I would have a lumpectomy, if it showed other suspicious areas then I may be looking at a mastectomy. The MRI was scheduled for a week later in the end.
So the MRI was scheduled for a Saturday afternoon and I was told to expect it to last up to an hour. The MRI scan wasn't the most comfortable I've ever been as you have to lay on your front in a "superwoman" position with your breasts suspended in metal brackets. Cod liver oil capsules are are taped to your nipples and another put on the tumour site area on the skin surface. These were used to identify on the scan the nipple and tumour areas - I even was allowed to keep them!
The MRI scan was the usual noisy affair and the two female radiologists forgot to put the radio on until near the end so there was no real distraction. About 10 minutes from the end, a dye was injected into a cannula on the back of my hand, it didn't hurt (the dye that is) and I could feel the cold liquid travel up my arm and then I could taste it for a few seconds. When the MRI was done I was helped off the table and basically told to go and get dressed despite telling the radiologists that I had no feeling in my left shoulder as a result of the angle I was laid in. Trying to get dressed in the changing room afterwards was a nightmare as I couldn't raise my arm above shoulder level to put my top. I had to use my other arm to lift it up. I was panicking as the numbness wasn't going. In the end it took over 4 hours for the feeling to return and my shoulder felt weak for nearly 5 days afterwards. I guess I should've complained at the time but to be honest, I just wanted out of the hospital.
Two days prior to this, I had a meeting with Leeds Fertility at Seacroft Hospital. The Consultant who diagnosed me with breast cancer had told me that if I was to have chemotherapy (which would be clarified once the tumour was removed) then there was a strong possibility that the chemotherapy would leave me infertile as chemotherapy can damage a woman's egg reserves.
Gary couldn't get the time off work so my mother in law, Val came along with me to the appointment. From what I thought would just be a conversation about fertility preservation turned into more scans and the hospital telling me I would have to start IVF type drugs the day after my operation! I was given an internal scan and told my ovarian reserve was good for my age.
As I sat in the consulting room with a young doctor who was telling me that I would have to start the IVF drugs to stimulate my ovaries the day after my surgery as that was the date that my next period was due, I remember screaming inside my head "run! get out of here, this is too much to take - I'm going to go mad" I just couldn't believe that I was having to make such a big decision about my fertility.
Without going into too much detail, Gary and I were looking at IVF treatment in February 2018 and because Gary already had children of his own, we weren't eligible for free IVF treatment on the NHS. When Leeds Fertility found out that we weren't eligible, it felt like my appointment with them became more about getting money out of us rather than about the egg preservation. I was feeling pressured into making a decision I wasn't comfortable with and hadn't even discussed properly with Gary.
I was so appalled by the consultation that I spoke to my BCN and Surgeon who said there was no way that I would be starting fertility drugs the day after my surgery. Thankfully my BCN got in touch with Leeds Fertility and cancelled any further appointments and communication with them. I just didn't have the head space to deal with it. It felt like in those 7 days from diagnosis that I was just being passed around between hospitals and felt like a piece of meat, like everyone wanted a piece of me and I just wanted the world to sod off and leave me alone! I wanted my life back pre diagnosis, one where I had innocent, plans and a future not what now seemed like a scary barren place.
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ReplyDeleteI can really relate to feeling like a credit card not a person, just someone who attracted fees. The first thing anybody asked me was for my credit card number. They always got that right but never my name. I was appalled and surprised at the lack of awareness of trauma informed practice in a cancer centre. This was expensive private health I was raced into in the day of diagnosis (even though I had cover I had extra fees and gaps in the cover)
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