Surgery Day
Will I wake with or without my left breast?
Wednesday 18th October 2017 - another date that will forever be etched in my brain. That was the date that I had breast surgery. I woke at 5.30am that day not knowing whether I would be returning home later the same day having had a lumpectomy or whether I would be returning home a day or two later having had a mastectomy. The reason I had this uncertainty was because I would get my MRI results once I got to the hospital - talk about Leeds Teaching Hospitals cutting it fine.
We arrived at the hospital for 7am as instructed on the surgery letter and was sat in a waiting room with another 8 to 10 women. It was hard to distinguish who were the patients as everyone seemed to have brought at least one if not two other people with them for support. As I quickly scanned the room, I was once again the youngest person there by at least 15 years - this age gap was being to feel like a weight around my neck.
I had my pre-operation checks with a young nurse and as usual my blood pressure and pulse were higher than is normal for me, if I haven't mentioned it before, I get "white coat syndrome" with anything medical and moreso at hospitals. I also had my calves measured up for the delightful, leg squeezing surgical stockings! As the pre-op checks were finishing my Surgeon came into the room to tell me that he was still awaiting the MRI results and was going to personally ring the relevant department for the results. He said I was currently first on the surgical list for a lumpectomy but if that wasn't to be the case based on the results then I would be moved to last on the list. The thought of being pushed to the end of the day for surgery just didn't sit well. I was already feeling dehydrated and hungry having not been allowed to eat or drink since the night before.
At just after 8am, my Surgeon came to find me in the breast surgery ward corridor to tell me that "it's good news! Your MRI results don't show any other cancerous areas within either breast - you're having a lumpectomy" In that moment, I could've kissed him with joy! I was so relieved to hear that I didn't have any other cancerous areas in either breast but I was even more relieved to hear that I wasn't going to lose my breast. I remember saying to Gary "I want to skip down the corridor I'm so relieved!" In reality I didn't as I was very conscious of other women on the ward who would've have been so fortunate with their results.
I was told that I would be taken up to the Nuclear Medicines Department in Bexley Wing for a radioactive isotope to be injected into my tumour to see where it drained to. During surgery the radioactive signal given off by the isotope would be traced to see which lymph nodes my breast fluid was draining into. If the signal wasn't strong enough then I would have a blue dye injected and this would highlight the lymph nodes under x-ray.
So off I was whisked in a wheelchair to the Nuclear Medicines Department where I had to wait to be taking into a room for the isotope injection. Whilst in the waiting room I started chatting to another lady who was called Ruth who I remember from the Breast Surgery Ward. She looked frightened and like a rabbit in the headlights. She said that she was having to have a mastectomy and that her cancer had been found on a routine mammogram - she'd had no symptoms, no warning of the cancer in her breast. She said she had lost nearly a stone in weight because she'd not had an appetite since being diagnosed with breast cancer. I truely felt sorry for her and really just wanted to give her a hug. She was with her daughter who was in her late twenties who was obviously giving her moral support but I felt there was some emotional support missing a bit - maybe that was due to her own reaction to hearing her mother's diagnosis. Who knows.
Because my tumour was close to my nipple area - I had the radioactive isotope injected into my aerola area of the breast and believe you me, it stung like a b***h!! I was like a wasp sting! As soon as I arrived back on the Breast Surgery Ward I was met with a nurse who told me that the anaesthetist was waiting for me as I was now first on the surgical list!
I barely had time to give Gary a kiss and tell him I loved him before being whisked into theatre! In one way it was good that it was all moving so fast as I have a geniune fear of general anaesthetic. I know for many that may seem an irrational fear but for me, that fear is very real. I have a fear of either waking up during the operation and not being able to move but feel pain, or not to wake up at all. I remember as I laid there on the surgical table when the cannula was being put into the back of my hand what my brother had said to me "well, if you don't wake up, you'll never know anything else about it - it will be up to everyone else around you to pick up the pieces."
I remember as the anaesthetic drugs were being administered that the two anaesthetists were talking about an earlier patient who'd had a reaction to the anaesthetic cocktail of drugs and thinking "I really don't need to be hearing this right now when I've already told you how nervous I am." I and then that was it, boom! off into a deep sleep.
We arrived at the hospital for 7am as instructed on the surgery letter and was sat in a waiting room with another 8 to 10 women. It was hard to distinguish who were the patients as everyone seemed to have brought at least one if not two other people with them for support. As I quickly scanned the room, I was once again the youngest person there by at least 15 years - this age gap was being to feel like a weight around my neck.
I had my pre-operation checks with a young nurse and as usual my blood pressure and pulse were higher than is normal for me, if I haven't mentioned it before, I get "white coat syndrome" with anything medical and moreso at hospitals. I also had my calves measured up for the delightful, leg squeezing surgical stockings! As the pre-op checks were finishing my Surgeon came into the room to tell me that he was still awaiting the MRI results and was going to personally ring the relevant department for the results. He said I was currently first on the surgical list for a lumpectomy but if that wasn't to be the case based on the results then I would be moved to last on the list. The thought of being pushed to the end of the day for surgery just didn't sit well. I was already feeling dehydrated and hungry having not been allowed to eat or drink since the night before.
At just after 8am, my Surgeon came to find me in the breast surgery ward corridor to tell me that "it's good news! Your MRI results don't show any other cancerous areas within either breast - you're having a lumpectomy" In that moment, I could've kissed him with joy! I was so relieved to hear that I didn't have any other cancerous areas in either breast but I was even more relieved to hear that I wasn't going to lose my breast. I remember saying to Gary "I want to skip down the corridor I'm so relieved!" In reality I didn't as I was very conscious of other women on the ward who would've have been so fortunate with their results.
I was told that I would be taken up to the Nuclear Medicines Department in Bexley Wing for a radioactive isotope to be injected into my tumour to see where it drained to. During surgery the radioactive signal given off by the isotope would be traced to see which lymph nodes my breast fluid was draining into. If the signal wasn't strong enough then I would have a blue dye injected and this would highlight the lymph nodes under x-ray.
So off I was whisked in a wheelchair to the Nuclear Medicines Department where I had to wait to be taking into a room for the isotope injection. Whilst in the waiting room I started chatting to another lady who was called Ruth who I remember from the Breast Surgery Ward. She looked frightened and like a rabbit in the headlights. She said that she was having to have a mastectomy and that her cancer had been found on a routine mammogram - she'd had no symptoms, no warning of the cancer in her breast. She said she had lost nearly a stone in weight because she'd not had an appetite since being diagnosed with breast cancer. I truely felt sorry for her and really just wanted to give her a hug. She was with her daughter who was in her late twenties who was obviously giving her moral support but I felt there was some emotional support missing a bit - maybe that was due to her own reaction to hearing her mother's diagnosis. Who knows.
Because my tumour was close to my nipple area - I had the radioactive isotope injected into my aerola area of the breast and believe you me, it stung like a b***h!! I was like a wasp sting! As soon as I arrived back on the Breast Surgery Ward I was met with a nurse who told me that the anaesthetist was waiting for me as I was now first on the surgical list!
I barely had time to give Gary a kiss and tell him I loved him before being whisked into theatre! In one way it was good that it was all moving so fast as I have a geniune fear of general anaesthetic. I know for many that may seem an irrational fear but for me, that fear is very real. I have a fear of either waking up during the operation and not being able to move but feel pain, or not to wake up at all. I remember as I laid there on the surgical table when the cannula was being put into the back of my hand what my brother had said to me "well, if you don't wake up, you'll never know anything else about it - it will be up to everyone else around you to pick up the pieces."
I remember as the anaesthetic drugs were being administered that the two anaesthetists were talking about an earlier patient who'd had a reaction to the anaesthetic cocktail of drugs and thinking "I really don't need to be hearing this right now when I've already told you how nervous I am." I and then that was it, boom! off into a deep sleep.
Do I look like a smurf?
I woke about two hours later in the recovery room and the first thing I did was lift my surgical gown to see if I had a blue boob. I didn't and I still had my breast shape and as an added bonus I didn't look like a blue smurf!!
I remember the nurse asking me if I felt OK and I said No as I felt extremely nauseous. I told her that I'd explained to the anaesthetist that I have vomited after general anaesthetics before and she said that he had definitely not given me any anti-emetics. She quickly rectified that.
Due to a shortage of beds, I was left in the recovery room for an hour and a half until a bed became free.
Now as anyone knows when you've had a general anaesthetic, before the medical team let you go home, you have to satisfy three things. You must have a drink, some thing to eat and have a wee as anaesthetic can affect those three things. I'd had something to drink and something to eat despite feeling very nauseous and all I needed to do now was to go to the toilet. Within an hour of drinking a jug of water, that was it, I fair ran to the toilet and that was it - the three criteria fulfilled!
Shortly afterwards the younger of the two anaesthetists came to visit me and asked me how I was doing. I told him how nauseous and groggy I was feeling. I just seemed to be taking a longer time to recover than I had done when I'd had a sinus operation the year before. He told me that they had just a different gas that was supposed to reduce nausea but that it took patient's longer to come around. I told him that they'd failed on the nausea front.
The Surgical Registrar visited me at around 5pm to tell me that the surgery had been successful and because the radioactive trace signal was so strong, there was no requirement for the blue dye injection. It turns out that my breast fluid was only draining to my Sentinel Lymph Node and so that was the only one removed. He also said that the tumour was very hard and marble like with no evidence to the naked eye of any spicules (when a cancer spreads outwards - or so I believe) which he said was positive. Don't quote me on that though.
It was odd but I was feeling relieved, I'd expected waking up with a blue breast and several nodes removed because I'd started to fear the worst at every step of my breast cancer journey so far.
At around 6.30pm I was discharged by the medical team and was allowed to go home with instructions on how to care for my breast for the next two weeks until I saw the Surgeon for the post operation check up. We'd only been in the car 10 minutes when I told Gary that I needed to go to the toilet for a wee - the two jugs of water I'd drunk to make sure my kidneys were functioning were clearly doing their job and my bladder was letting me know about it! The journey home from the hospital is only around 12 miles but it's on an endless ring road and as you can imagine it felt like all the traffic lights were on red on that journey home. I was so desperate to go to the toilet that in the end I made Gary pull up at the side of a field and I dived out of the car. You have no idea how satisfying that wee in a field was!! We still chuckle about it to this day!
I remember the nurse asking me if I felt OK and I said No as I felt extremely nauseous. I told her that I'd explained to the anaesthetist that I have vomited after general anaesthetics before and she said that he had definitely not given me any anti-emetics. She quickly rectified that.
Due to a shortage of beds, I was left in the recovery room for an hour and a half until a bed became free.
Now as anyone knows when you've had a general anaesthetic, before the medical team let you go home, you have to satisfy three things. You must have a drink, some thing to eat and have a wee as anaesthetic can affect those three things. I'd had something to drink and something to eat despite feeling very nauseous and all I needed to do now was to go to the toilet. Within an hour of drinking a jug of water, that was it, I fair ran to the toilet and that was it - the three criteria fulfilled!
Shortly afterwards the younger of the two anaesthetists came to visit me and asked me how I was doing. I told him how nauseous and groggy I was feeling. I just seemed to be taking a longer time to recover than I had done when I'd had a sinus operation the year before. He told me that they had just a different gas that was supposed to reduce nausea but that it took patient's longer to come around. I told him that they'd failed on the nausea front.
The Surgical Registrar visited me at around 5pm to tell me that the surgery had been successful and because the radioactive trace signal was so strong, there was no requirement for the blue dye injection. It turns out that my breast fluid was only draining to my Sentinel Lymph Node and so that was the only one removed. He also said that the tumour was very hard and marble like with no evidence to the naked eye of any spicules (when a cancer spreads outwards - or so I believe) which he said was positive. Don't quote me on that though.
It was odd but I was feeling relieved, I'd expected waking up with a blue breast and several nodes removed because I'd started to fear the worst at every step of my breast cancer journey so far.
At around 6.30pm I was discharged by the medical team and was allowed to go home with instructions on how to care for my breast for the next two weeks until I saw the Surgeon for the post operation check up. We'd only been in the car 10 minutes when I told Gary that I needed to go to the toilet for a wee - the two jugs of water I'd drunk to make sure my kidneys were functioning were clearly doing their job and my bladder was letting me know about it! The journey home from the hospital is only around 12 miles but it's on an endless ring road and as you can imagine it felt like all the traffic lights were on red on that journey home. I was so desperate to go to the toilet that in the end I made Gary pull up at the side of a field and I dived out of the car. You have no idea how satisfying that wee in a field was!! We still chuckle about it to this day!
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